Daz, Beeco, Sowter and Tot's take on the world!

The Mongol Rally is an automobile rally that begins in Goodwood, England and ends in Ulan Bator, Mongolia. It is described as the "greatest adventure in the world" and requires competing vehicles to have an engine displacement of less than 1000cc.

The Rally is designed to be an adventure for the participants, and not a traditional rally race. The organisers are careful to point out that racing on highways is illegal, and that no recognition is given to the first finisher. There are other differences from mainstream rallies, particularly the fact that no support team is provided and no other arrangements are made such as for accommodation.

Now We're Rallying

So it's been a while since i wrote anything on here (i blame the Russians and their shoddy internet) but i thought i should share some of my memorable experiences from the rally seeing as i'm not going to be home for a month or two.

My overriding feeling now i've finished is one of great sadness, no wait, i mean happiness! 15 hours a day spent with the 3 idiots i called team mates was a mental and physical strain!!! I tell a lie. We made a good team. Between The Highway Honchos and The City Slickers we could navigate any situation thrown at us. Apart from goats. They were the one of the many thing we were truely terrified of. I cannot begin to explain the monstrosities we encountered driving through some of Russia and Kazakhstans poorest areas which were the results of the Goats violent and vengeful hooves! Thats right folks, Goats rule most of what was communist Russia. At least thats the story we came up with to break up the boredom of driving past sunflower fields for 6 hours straight.

I'm sure Daryl and Chris have filled most of you in about the dangers of encountering Dust Kids but there were other grave dangers we faced on each leg of the trip. Monsters such as wild Bags! Plastic ghouls that would float and weave across the road, attacking the windscreen at any moment leaving you blind as you negotiated a large pot hole field.

Personally my greatest fear was that of the great overlord Tarmacadam. He is a vengeful lord and strikes with an iron fist whenever the gracefull Lord Tarmacus lets down his guard. To counter his evil ways we made sure we gave offerings of fruit and silver coins to Tarmacus so that he remained strong and prosperous.

As you can clearly see, the rally sent us all bat shit insane! We stopped functioning as normal humans and became slaves to imaginary Gods and demons. Things that a 5 year old would laugh off chilled us to our cores. But that as they say is "what the rally's all about".

It was not all superstition and fear though, we did have some great times. One memory that sticks out for me is racing across a farmers field for a good 80miles as it offered a better quality road surface than the main highway through central Kazakhstan. Even though we were maxing out 40mph i felt like a proper rally driver, especially when we hit a water splash!

I also loved the fact that no matter how much local knowledge we recieved or how many times we were told roads were unpassable we always went ahead with our own plan. A local police chief tells you to go 140 miles out of the way because the road you want is not ready? Nah mate, we're Bingley aren't we! Of course we were always wrong but we battled on regardless.

I'll see you all soon

Your pal

Beeco

UB Baby!

Stay tuned...

We're currenlty in Semey, about to make the move for the Russian border. We've had loads of fun in Kazakhstan and more blogs to follow. Over the next week we'll be heading for Lake Baikal, then into flooded Mongolia.

Tots

The Motherland Calls

We passed through the Russian border with surprising ease. Reading various guides we have been informed that we should not smile at people in Russia and don't expect them to be friendly. Which after getting lost almost immediately, appeared to be untrue. A friendly local was happy to chat and point us in the correct direction. We were greeted by waves in the street and smiling faces. Not the Russia we had been educated to expect.

We drove hard for Volgograd and along the way gained some pals. Two american guys from Detroit. As usual they told us their names, none of us listened and quickly made up our own. 'Hollywood' & 'Cougar'. They had completed a massive 24 hours drive and once near Volgograd, decided to stay at the same hotel as us. It looked like a disused building on the outskirts of town, however, upon closer inspection it had a great rooms, sauna and a pool. We had a few beers with 'Hollywood' & 'Cougar' and told them many great stories. The ones that our pals in Bingley spoons are now bored of, but 'Hollywood' & 'Cougar' loved them.

In the morning, we went into the centre of Volgograd. We spotted a McDonalds and Daz nearly jumped out of the window of the car. I've never seen someone so excited over fast food. So excited he got 2 meals! After getting some directions from a Russian guy in a fake England football shirt that had 'Euro 2008' on the sleeve (forgot we made that tournament?) we headed towards the city's centre piece. Now, I've seen some statues in my time, but the soviet ones were truely cool. Normally statues are from a time of swords and pitch battles. These were built to remember the Battle of Stalingrad. Each one more amazing than the other, armed with tommy guns and grenades. The highlight was the Mother Russia statue. Beeco discribed it as better than the Statue of Liberty and we were all amazed by its size. To top off the trip we caught the changing of the guard in the war memorial.

We set off for the Kazak border from Volgograd. It was 38 degrees in the early afternoon and wasn't the best of car journeys. We were unable to find a hotel in the evening and after driving through a crazy and dangerous electro storm, we ended up sleeping in the car.. Not ideal. However, we did make the border early in the morning and was the second vehicle to pass through.

The country between Slovakia & Russia

After passing through an uninspiring Slovakia, we found ourselves at our first border control crossing. The guards were unamused and intent on bribes, something that we had made allowances for considering we didn't bother to get a greencard or motor insurance to travel in the country. After finally settling on a $20 plus 7euro bribe we thought that we had finally got through before been stopped by a military official demanding another 'present'. We sat this one out and the guard finally got bored. We headed through the gates and didn't stop driving or even look back. Around 4 hours of travelling later we reached L'Viv. After nipping to the Bankomat, we found a nice hotel on the outskirts of the city. The pints were cheap and the rooms clean.

The next day we were faced with another 500+km trip to Kiev. It did not start well. Chris decided to overtake a wagon and instead of hitting 3rd gear for extra power, ended up in 5th and head on with... Just our luck... A police car. The patrol quickly did a U-Turn and the chase was on. Chris out run the police and we lived happily ever after...

  Maybe not, we pulled over and the two officers quickly asked for our brief. After writing up a ticket, Chris was asked for 146 euro. Wowsas! They then searched the car and found a number of items of interest. Mainly, a bottle of Disaronno, that was in the back seat of the patrol car as quickly as the ticket disappeared. Whilst this was going on, the other copper stopped a local man on his bicycle and confiscated it. He then waved down a random white van man before placing the bike in the back. A very very wierd set of events to witness. After also having two of my fine Austrian Beers, the police allowed us to continue our journey.

The roads were shit. Much like the country, run down and in disrepair. We finally made Kiev and I was waved down by another copper. Seems I had been doing 89kph in a 60kph zone. No, no, no... this can't be right. I checked the Lonely Planet, which advises travel a 90kph on highways and argued it out with the copper, whilst stood under a big blue sign which said 60kph zone! The copper again wanted a bribe for the offence, but after informing him I had no funds and I wasn't willing to drive to the bankomat, he got bored and we were free again!

The hotel we found in the evening was amazing. It was a wood cabin themed hotel with animal furs and plasma screen TVs. There were a number of cars in the hotels secure carpark and a friend of the owner, called Andre, explained that a 'big man' was visiting. We were told only to leave our room when called and when the call finally came, we were whisked to the cafe section of the property. A free spread was put on, a traditional dish called 'Borscht'. A beet soup with pork. It was brilliant and it was complimented with Andre telling us storys of his ex-special forces past. It became obvious that it was a gangsters house. But we weren't complaining, we had awesome rooms and a free meal.

We again left early in the morning on another 500+km trip to the outskirts of Donesk. The roads did improve but the towns and cities didn't. That night we found another, less eventful, hotel near the Russian border. Apart from a small amount of private investment in small hotels and cafes, there is not much happening to this country. The cops are corrupt, boarder guards on the take and towns run down. That why I haven't even given it the respect of using it's name in this blog!

Hungry in, errm.. Hungary!

After some excellent camping in the Austrian Alps, we finally got back on the road and headed towards the capital, Vienna. The roads were good and after been pulled over only briefly at a police road block, we arrived in very good time. Considering our lack of progress we decided to have lunch in Vienna and move for Budapest. We made Hungary with easy and was directed towards a large hotel on the Buda side of town. The hotel was an old ugly looking building that could compare in dullness to the B&B Bank building in the centre of Bingley. We were welcomed by a French receptionist who spoke very good English. She explained that under soviet occupation the building was used by artists as it offered a excellent vantage point over the city. The rooms were basic, but offered us everything we needed for a Friday night in Budapest.

We walked into the centre of Pest to find some Hungarian goulash. It became quickly obvious that we had arrived in the city over the Forumla 1 weekend. Excellent news as there were a number of tourist exhibitions to be visited. That night we hit a few bars and ended up in a small club called 'Mambos'. After having far too many beers we headed back to the Art Gallery and hit the hay!

The next day we all were to rough to drive and decided to a second night in Budapest. We headed to Buda castle, where there were a number of Formula 1 and Rally cars on display. After getting some good pics, we headed to a cafe to watch qualifying and have a few more beers. Chris and Daz headed towards 'Heros Square' and myself and Marc met them in the afternoon. In the evening we returned to Buda Castle and caught the end of the 100 member gypsy orchestra set. There was no repeat of the previous night's beerlarinous as we had a big drive over two borders to complete in the morning.

The Scurge of the Elektroboote!

Guten Ahben mein fuher. Das ist gut ja? Wo est ein schloss museum? Shciess aus das fenster!

All phrases that have been perfectly useful while in Austria and to to a lesser extent Germany. I must say that i have found Austria to be a land of contrast. For example, we are in the mountains yet it is 30 degrees outside! Not ideal for our pasty skin.

Today has been spent taking a hike down a mountain overlooking lake Zell am See where me and Chris found much evidence of Ewoks. Later in the day we tried our hand at elektrobooting. This is a small electric craft designed for sailing on the lake. It lacked many things such as speed, safety equiptment and the style of Hans Gruber, nevermind, we still managed to break all the rules given to us by the boote mistress.

Tomorrow we are heading to Vienna to throw some white plastic chairs around the center square like good English holiday makers. Hopefully we will make the news.

One last thing, Austria has a very high quota of attractive women, it is simply amazing. Our attempts to pick them up were not. Do they not understand what i am really saying when i ask "Wo est ein schloss museum?". Ah well. Live and learn.

Your pal

Beeco

"Who iz Hans Gruber?"

Woke up in the excellent Rual Hotel and headed to Klatovy Tescos for some supplies. Headed south on the E53 and climbed the hills of Zelezna Ruda. Stopped for lunch and admired the stunning views. Crossed back into Germany from the Czech Republic and we were hastily overtaken by a silver Audi A4 Estate, turned out to be the German police. Waved us over and we pulled in behind the flashing lights... Our first run in with the old bill! Two non-uniformed officers showed us their identification and it was hard not to notice their guns. We were asked if we had taken anything over the boarder and if we had any drugs? Easy answers. It was when they started inspecting the vehicle when the banter started flying about. "Who iz Hans Gruber?" they asked... We informed him of the German terrorist in Die Hard. Beeco quickly pointed out that in the German version of Die Hard, they replaced Hans with an Irish terrorist. Then they noticed our postcard that we had picked up at the Battle Of Britain memorial near Dover. "Iz this Winston?". It never occured to us that we had driven over 600 miles across Germany with a picture of Winston Churchill in our rear window! 

Dipped into Zwiesel and got a bit lost after we were unable to cross a closed highway bridge. After Map consultation headed to Daggendorf and joined the A3 motorway until we entered Austira and picked up a vignette. The hills swiftly became mountains and we passed through some amazing tunnels and bridges through and over the various Austrian ranges.

We arrived at Zell Am See in the early evening. We camped up before hitting the town for a pizza and a few tasty beers. We dodged the crazy electrical storm and once the sky had cleared we could see the vast lake and snow topped mountains. Zell Am See centre was buzzing, loads of entertainment and it seems to be a tourist hotspot with many of the neighbouring countries. To our suprise, there were a large number of muslims, probably from Turkey.

After a few beers we bumped into a English speaking barmaid and explained our epic journey. Myself and Beeco went into a club and I was quickly sharked out of the drink by one of the locals. Basically in the centre of this club was an upright tree log, the object of the game to hit a nail into the log with the thin narrow side of a hammer... Yes hammer! Image having a log, nails and a hammer in the middle of Porkies! My first hit got the nail half way in and I could sniff a free drink. Basically, Im sure you can guess what happened next - the local got the nail all the way in... first shot. Well, ya live and ya learn... ey! I got him a sambucca and gained another pal... After walking back to the campsite we all got some sleep in.

Woke up this morning the amazing views the mountains surrounding the lake. We all headed down for a dip this morning and Daz will happily inform you that he beat a dog to a tennis ball in a race through the water. Daz is faster than a dog. Just had a walk up to the internet cafe and upon completing the blog, Im gonna try get to the top of one of the ski mountians. Chris has gone to hire a bike for a few laps of the lake and Beecos gone to find the glacier. Daz is racing that dog somewhere...

Plan of action for tomorrow is to hit Vienna early doors and enjoy an afternoon of sight seeing. Have a few beers in the evening before moving on to Budapest, Hungary the next day for some Saturday night madness! Have a good weekend and definitely please all look at Zell Am See on google, the team all agree it is one of the nicest places we have ever been to.

Tots 

Hans is running a dream...

Off to many crying Mums Break For The Border left the Bankfield Hotel towards Goodwood for the start of the Mongol Rally. Everything had come to a head and we were on our way. The trip down was mainly uneventful, which was excellent news and proved that Hans would be fully capable of handling nice even surfaced motorway... Which would later come in handy when travelling the width of Germany...

We arrived at Goodwoods campsite in the early evening. Fired the tents up and had a chat with a couple of near by teams. Loads of vehicles were in the field by the time that the sun had set and we went round to have a look at our competition. Many people had grabbed the rally spirit by the scruff of the neck, others less so. Mainly Americans and Canadians who loved parading their 4x4s round the field. Come on, 4x4s... Its cheating. Shout-out has to go to the Jersey Boys who totalled their Ford Ka on the final corner into Goodwood. Travelled all the way from USA and smashed up on the final corner. To my amazement they were able to make repairs by replacing the Ford Radiator with a Fiat one.

Go Go Go, the rally had started. We missed the parade lap round Goodwood as we did not want to miss our ferry crossing. Many on our ferry stayed to complete the lap, most made it onto the ferry, some didnt. Not worth the risk or the cost. Upon arriving at Dunkerque we drove to Bruges in Belgium. Followed Team Timmy and luckily found a campsite. The receptionist came down and let us into the site, asked us to check in and pay in the morning... We all got the tents up and headed to the sites bar. Maahn it was rocking, Dj was smashing a mix between pop classics and heavy Belgium beats. There were parents with their kids and an old man that looked remarkably like Charlie Chaplin. Then we noticed that the barmaid was topless. Great Sucess! One day in and weve already seen some boobs. Hope the trend continues! I headed back early as I was driving in the moring and left the boys at it... I was reliably informed that the barmaid later took more cloths off and that one of the young kids sat at the front was her biggest fan. It looked quite disturbing after Chris caught the kids gaze perfectly on camera.

In true Bingley fashion we cheesed it in the morning and didnt pay. Were we ever going to pay? Probably not. We drove to the centre of Bruges, which is dominated by three large towers. One of which feature in the film In Burges. We had breakfast and set off on a marathon drive across Germany. Not very interesting driving as it was mainly motorway. After twele and a half mega hours of driving we finally made it to Colditz. We found a campsite and although the gate was shut, parked Hans up outside and set up our tents inside. We all deserved a well-earned kip.

We woke up and this time got caught by the receiptionist. Only 5 euro per tent which was excellent value. We visited Colditz Castle and read of the many great Allied escape attempts. Outside we bumped into a friendly chap from Norway. We showed him our route and he pointed out Terezin Consentration Camp. This was between Dresden and Prague. Thankfully, we took his advice to visit Terezin and arrived in the early afternoon. Terezin is a large Jewish Ghetto, it was used by the Nazis and housed Jews before transporting them to Auschwitz and Birkenau. We saw a film and visited many of the buidings around the town. It was really interesting, however, awful and hardhitting at the same time. We lit a candle in the Crematorium and paid our respects. We left Terezin and headed towards Klonva Castle near Klatovy, the location of the Czech-Out Party! After getting caught up in the Prague one-way system we finally made it. The motorways were quite hilly in the Czech Republic, however, Hans took them all in his stride. We arrived at the the castle around 8pm and after having some fine food put on by locals, we got ready to party! We chatted to many teams and drank many pints. We even located the Daily Sport model who was doing the rally with her brother. We danced all over the castle and have some good pics to show. Again, I hit the hay first and the boys stayed out. Going by their hangovers today, it seems they did hit it pretty hard. However, this could be said for nearly every team and I noticed a few casualties this morning. Talking of casualties... The Jersey Boys made it to the Czech-Out. Ive now had a 5 dollar bet with Beeco that they make it to UB... Come on Jersey Boys!

As you can probably tell, we havent covered many miles today. We got packed up and located a local hotel called Rual. Its really nice and the room is fantastic. The weather has also been great and it was quite amusing to notice that our only suncream is designed for girls and has gold sparkly bits in it. Now, Im just having a beer and writing this blog. The other boys are all snoozing after last nights antics. Tomorrow we have a big drive to Zell Am See, Austria. Were gonna visit Klatovy Tescos in the morning and get stocked up for what will be Hans first real test up the mountains.

Hope everyones well and we will try to keep in touch the best we can.

Tots   

Go, Go, Go!

At long last, after minimal planning and effort we are finally ready for the off! The Swift a.k.a Hans Gruber is all packed up and ready to roll. Next stop will be Goodwood for the launch day, then its on to Czech Rep for Czech Out 2009, which shall involve vast quantities of gin and absinthe consumed in a 14th century castle on the outskirts of Prague (persuming we get there). We have also reached our £1000 target for charity, massive thanks to everyone that has donated!

To watch a live broadcast of the launch visit - http://www.festivalofslow.com - Coverage should start around 1-2pm on Saturday 18th July.

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